Drat! I Can’t Wear Hats

Drat! I Can’t Wear Hats

Thoreau said, “Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.” I, on the other hand, avoid any enterprise that requires a new hat.  Some women look adorable in hats, batting their eyelashes coquettishly under the brim. I look as if I’m balancing either a pizza...
Lessons in Defensive Driving

Lessons in Defensive Driving

I’m a bad driver. It took me three times to pass the driver’s test. On my first try, I ran through a flashing red light. The flashing befuddled me. If I was supposed to stop, shouldn’t it have stayed a steady red?    The second time I took the test was much worse....
Fitness Tracker Fever

Fitness Tracker Fever

Last year a family member gave me a fitness tracker. It was a not-so-subtle way of reminding me that my former hour-glass figure had recently morphed into the shape of a Duke’s Mayonnaise jar. My fitness tracker is so ugly it looks like it should be sold in the...
Beauty Secrets

Beauty Secrets

I was grocery shopping when I bumped into a woman I see every morning while we’re out walking our dogs. I greeted her and she said, “I’m sorry. I can’t place you.” At first I thought she might be woozy from the heat, but then it occurred to me: She’s never seen me...
Tales From A Tabloid Scholar

Tales From A Tabloid Scholar

Some people spend their lives studying the I Ching or the Talmud, but I’ve devoted my existence to studying the tabloids. If you need to know the name of Jennifer Aniston’s dogs (Sophie and Dolly), I’m your go-to person. By the way, did you know that Jen’s pets drink...